Why how we disagree matters

Im Oamaru , public debate is growing louder.

The district councils proposed rates increase has created understandable anxiety and frustration for many people. Rising costs affect real lives. People feel stretched , worried, and unheard. These conversations matter.

But so does the way we speak to each other while we disagree.

Recently, online spaces have begun to harden into "us and them" groups. Councillors are being vilified. Community members are being mocked or dismissed . Conversations become less about solutions and more about enemies.

And perhaps the deeper question is this:

What happen to us as a society when this way of communicationg becomes the norm?

Every action leaves an imprint

Nueroscience calls this neuroplasticity- the brains ability to re-wire itself through repeated behavious and thoughts.

The pathways we travel most often become easier to travel again.

In simple terms what we repeatedly practice, we become better at - Im learning the ukelele - Its working!

But if we repeatedly practise outrage , contempt, sarcasm and dehumanisation, our minds slowly become shaped around those responses.

But the oppisite is true also

We can train ourselves toward pausing, curiousity, restraint, graciousness, kindness and humanity.

A small example

Imagine you go to get in the shower and there is a spider right in the way . You have the option to be frustrated and angrily wash it down the drain because of the delay to your hot steamy shower by 20 seconds or you can choose calm, see life and get a tissue , lift the spider and put it out the window.

One response -kill it remove the irratation

another response is gentler - it may seem insignificant, yet these small responses shape us, it interrupts the brains automatic reaction and reminds us that force is not the only way.

The spider lives,

and perhaps something in us is strengthened too - a quieter , more humane way of seeing the world.

This is not about becoming passive or pretending problems do not exist. Communities need debate. leaders should be questioned, people should be allowed to express themselves , but how we do it is important

We need to do this through relationship , conversation, where we can see one another.

In a way that builds community not tears and divides

Before posting something online , it might be worth asking a couple of questions

"What kind of person is this question / response helping me become?"

"Would I say this face to face if I where to see the response in the persons eyes?"

The habits we practice today become the culture we live inside tomorrow -and the example we are passing on to our future generations.

A favourite quote on this

"The best critisism of the bad is the practice of the better" Richard Rohr

Blessings

Amanda